Visions of a Story never told
Within the dark cold dreary day, I see you clearly . . .
Now I must be O’ so bold,
To plunge into this deepest darkest dread, with vision O’ so bright
I see as no other can, in the bleakness without light
Look at this dark and dreary place I have found you,
Lost in the cold dark day, so scared and all alone
The day is cold, the day is cold and dark and dreary and it rains
and the wind is never weary’ ~ I’ll still cling to the wall
At every gust the dead leaves fall, every day is dark
Every day is dark and dreary
Be still sad heart, oh be still and cease repining, behind the clouds . . .
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining?
Thy fate is the fate of all . . . into life some rain must fall.
Some days must be dark, Some days must be Dark and dreary.
I shall spin this web I weave,
the Power of the Light made from essence of my Love . . .
Behind these dark clouds, O’ the Sun is still shining and . . .
My Life line of Loves Light I cast to thee,
near drowning in the Oceans of despair.
Gasping for Air . . . as I lift you up upon my wings of Love.
From within this rainy day O’ so cold and dark and dreary.
Some days must be dark,
Some days must be dark . . .
Some days must be dark and dreary.
Behind the clouds, Behind the clouds is the sun.
I see the SUN . . .
Behind the clouds, is the sun.
So now the tale is spun and the story has begun . . .
The story I now tell, of what had you in its spell
And how this Angel fell . . . on this dark and dreary day.
Tell me why you were there so deep in dark despair . . .
Mmmmm………. Ahhhh………. Ohhhh……….
~ GASP ~ OH ~ AH ~ HMM ~
The day was so cold and Dreary and it rained despair.
I could not see beyond the dark clouds.
Let me lift you up, so you may see beyond these dark clouds . . .
Behind the dark clouds there is the sun.
~ O’ ~ I can see the SUN !
I breathe deep into me the essence of this ancient forest
Casting dark shadows of despair, upon the cold damp stillness of the air. . .
My body crouches . . . frozen in the stillness of the moment . . .
Leaf falling upon a wind broken branch . . .
I am not unaware of you . . .
You are not unimportant . . . for you serve to lay a carpet for my feet.
Trees of a thousand souls. Let me hear your whisperings I humbly listen . . .
Spirits of the Forest, Ancient whispers echo through the aged trees of time,
Lost Angels play . . .
Teach me your ways, For you are strong and unyielding . . .
I will be your She Beast . . .
I will gather your herbs . . . and harvest your berries . . .
Sing with the lark . . . Run with the Stag . . .
Adorn my hair with your feathers . . .
Your colours will be stroked upon my breast . . .
Chalked upon my legs . . . grained upon my brow . . .
I am the hunter and the huntress . . .
The little doe waiting for her Stag . . . His She Beast . . .
A story of a dark life . . .
the Dark ~ One ~ Speaks slowly, softly . . .
My father went missing as a child, and was declared dead,
my mother remarried a German man . . . a Lucifarian.
Yet, he would take me to temple. each Saturday…
I learned at Hebrew school, I learned ancient Temple song that now,
people no longer sing….. yet, I sing with Angelic clarity.
Rabbis in England have heard me sing, and say it is very old…. ancient,
very eastern in dialect, and pertains to the house upon the waters.
I grew up with one sister . . . A genius.
She to me, was beautiful, yet I, looked like no one in the family,
my hair was more like the aboriginals.
I had a life of outdoors.
playing in the bush . . . going on walkabout was my fave game,
hours catching grasshopper, wading in deep mud searching for long blood worms,
climbing trees for witchery grubs quiet as a spider.
As i learned the ways of the rivers,
and became a better fisherman than my elders
Gray’Owl . . .
One thing I have never voiced. Yet you say it, no one other than the Creator knows.
Yet you repeatedly say it ~ my ~ voice, ” to be a sweet balm to Him”.
The first time i utter this, how is it you refer to my voice ?
)’ my dark ~ One you have never heard, I tell no one.
Shhh . . . listen, one cannot truly give a message,
unless one has the message written in the heart.
My journey began as a child,
many moons ago there was a house full of dark secrets.
The father of the house went into very dark places . . .
doing that which no man should do.
The mother of the house became ill,
she had two daughters……
both kept the dark secrets of the father until, one day . . .
mother came home, very ill the poison had done its work, she was dying.
The father thought he had got away with his deed,
the mother had medicine.
The medics saw from her weakness the truth of her ailment,
mother had come home sick.
Unexpected, the father with his dark secrets,
gave the eldest daughter drugs to do his deed,
the mother saw the deed being done,
One dark secret was revealed.
Then…..the other daughter remained silent….
no one spoke to her…..
no one asked of her…..
The mother lost her mind with poison. The silent daughter became the whipped.
The father went away, unseen there was for many a year,
things that ought not to be,
as many oceans the daughters sailed ~ with mother ~ across the seas.
Silent child, cried in the night. She knew her secret Source,
would be her only place of comfort, in a land so cold and frosty.
No longer did she go bare foot, no more the cricket spoke or panoramic sky to view,
but instead, loud machines, cold metal.
Land of boots and heavy coats, people that knew not her land.
No rivers free and sea so grand, there was no bush to walkabout,
but narrow lanes and tar.
Pined she did, for natures own, the loss deep in her heart.
Deep within, she held fast to the Source, who had saved her once before . . .
A day which dog did bite through blood, that abode to her next door.
The elder sister teased and taunt’ that silent one would suffer.
Big spikes to pierce her tender tum to be happen …. the next morn
So the silent one at bed did weep, she lay down on the floor.
Crying out in childlike innocence to the G-d she knew, her Lord.
My G-d, my G-d……The G-d of Jews, please save me from these spikes.
I will be so thankful, please dear G-d, please, I give my life.
Reveal to me, when I am older . . .
Reveal to me your Ways, and i will serve you ever more.
Serve, all my days . . . then she wept, upon the floor.
She cried out ~ oh so more . . .
To the Christ, the one of Christmas lore.
I come to you tonight.
Forgive me Christ for praying to my G-d of the Jews, but . . .
if you are real not He, then please, ~ save me from these spikes tomorrow . . .
she said, down on her knees
Forgive me Lord
I know thee not
for I am but a child
but . . .
reveal to me Yourself please when I am older and i will server you all my life.
Laid on the floor…..tears…..made her wet she cried out all the more.
Oh…..Great Unknown out in the stars can you hear me tonight?
I am but a child
O’ she cried and cried some more
Forgive me Truth.
What ever you are….the One True thing there is.
Forgive me for praying to my G-d of the Jews
Forgive me for praying to the Christ of the Christmas
But what ever is the Greatest Force….the Greatest Power
of the Universe
hear my cries….
on the floor tonight
oh how she cried
O’ how she wept
to be heard by the One and Only
her pleas to accept
I give to you o great powerful one…
the One true being that is above all else
I give myself to you…..
I am but a child now
but i will grow older
and as i do
reveal yourself to me as i grow so it is you alone, you i know
When I know you…..this i vow
All my life…..
your servant am i
thankyou thankyou if you heard…..
the silent one implored some more
she stayed upon that cold, dark floor
throughout the night…
throughout the dawn.
the child cried out….
til she was worn
the morn had come…..the house was quiet….
she tiptoed out…
the hall was silent
where is the father
where is the mother
where is the sister
who made her shudder
not a word was said that day
no tease nor cruel lament
no spike to pierce her tender tum
not daring to speak
the day had been so different
to the days that past before
she was left alone.
not a word
the stark difference of the day……was answer to be sure.
had dog not been shot……
and ceased to be
there would be no reason to recall….
So……without a doubt…the girl knew.
she knew as surely as the day begins….
something very powerful had heard
to have changed the house of secrets
to have closed an open door.
to silence the wicked tongue…
to take the threat away…
not one word, not one remark……..
this was as clear as clear could be
so…..when evening fell
down on her knees…..
in silence she did pray.
so humbled by the Awesome Might…..
that had completely changed her day
I give to you myself….
I will not forget
you heard me……
a little child
you helped me…..
you saved me….
I will not forget my vow to you…..though yet
I don’t know who you are
I do know……
I will really know who you are.
This night engrained within her soul……
she knew she had a Friend.
an Unknown Source…..
who heard her cries….
she knew there was a Lord.
Little girl, not one for names….
Just knew within the stars…..
she was never going to be alone…..
was with her.
A comfort in her life to cling.
Her own secret…..
that was not of the Dark
and this is true just here today…..
as I share with you this hour..
i am here /* little one. . .
wipe away your tears and let the salty stains dry, i reach out now to caress your heart, to touch your soul with gentlest of touch as if my very breath you feel upon your brow. with all my love today your heart is healed forever’s sorrows forgotten, slate wiped clean a brand new start, today and forever i am with you, my home is in your heart with your eyes i see the paradise soon found. this garden of Eden i plant my seeds of love within this garden the world shall see the beauty you create for them, this garden is your heart. paradise found.
words…..are not typing…..for i have said so much….
I do not share what I shared with you
i think the Spirit let me….for the words just flew
i feel you gently weeping, embrace your love . . . now simply let it go, let it flow as you have never done before, with wreak-less abandon give your love away for this is how you shall receive it, without bounds without limit you are loved.
beyond the limits of your knowing.
I asked the Great ONe to be my teacher.
throughout my life….people have been vultures…
I was give to care at 12…after a poker burn…..and then, I was made to return to Australia with my mother alone, my German stepfather was out of jail.
I had many families that I was made to live with here. Then i lived at college in the Peak district……a landscape of lime white creeks…barren rocks..wind and snow…..
remote…..beautiful in its remoteness.
at 17, I was told, you will live with your grandfather in London. He was a noted Elder. A Historical man. ‘this is my lost and found’ he would introduce me as. then the tradition was i had to give a gift, and receive a gift. at each announcement……’this is my lost and found.
One day….he said…..A suitable match has been found.
there is an up and coming young lawyer in New York…
you will marry him.
no more was said….to the respected Elder.
it was as good as a done deed.
So, I ran away. From a grandfather who I had not known,
who I lived with, to a place i did not know anyone at all….
the other side of London.
you are the great one . . .
remember, the Law of One . . .
you are the one. and so it is.
do you think, that creator sent me here to teach ?
a most difficult task till now,
there is one whom believes like no other.
i have so much to share and so little time to tell the story of life.
thus i create these web pages that will last till the electricity of earth are gone,
yet i also see them each page a slab of granite and etched carefully upon each one a page of the book, in a huge round building and they are all lined up in order around the outer walls , people come from around the world to sit upon the benches and read them.
at the center a beautiful atrium garden and in the center of the garden is the circle of life set in stone, in the center of the circle lives the eternally lit fire of continuance, people can read and then sit around the circle of life and contemplate their reality in a new found love, my love. the one that pours out of me like a raging river.
one day . . . one day . . .
my love could heal this day . . .
and so my day, it seems . . .
must be tomorrow………………………………/*
they were Christian…….I was the Jewess.
they said i was a witch.
tried to cast the demons out of me.
I sense things…..but, I was taught.
made to as a child.
as a child, i was made to see beyond walls.
forced to look into the flames
hours of being made to see the unseen.
punished, whipped, if i got it wrong.
so, maybe they were right.
Father was a Lucifarian, after all.
then…..some people came to the commune….
they were looking for one volunteer
I was the youngest out of 50 people
they picked me.
my life changed.
I went to a big house.
a big garden.
an American lady said i would work for her.
the teaching was of the Open Door.
At first, it was just her and I.
I was obedient.
I learnt quick.
i felt safe……no men to hurt me.
no women that would either.
No one would want to force me to have sex.
so….I stayed with the Open Door… for many years.
no man touched me.
I was giving myself to the Source……
I went deeper than the teachings of the Open Door…
my voice…..was to the Creator…..the one who gave the birds song.
the maker of the trees…..the stars….
There was a fallen tree in the big garden.
I sat every day, played the guitar and sang to creation.
now i was prone to fasting.
I researched scripture…..I was dedicated.
up at 5 am each day, giving of service in all ways, weather it be teaching dental hygiene, landscaping, painting, restoration of woodwork….cooking, writing songs for a sermon……interceding.
I found……that my voice…..in singing….healed.
animals…..and plants…..i don’t know about humans…..my hands have healed humans…..but, birds, animals and plants definitely are notably healed. If anyone sees, for I try to do it discreetly, unseen…..they are freaked out……I have sat on my front wall here, a row of Victorian terraced houses, and a wild sparrow sat in my palm…..i was just stroking it, quietly talking…..and people literally walk in the road to be away from me like i am some leper……but, i don’t care….
i will still have the bird rather than the person!!
the years of missionary training i had….taught me to be prepared
to die for G=d.
to be of service to the Higher Power.
Although it was Christ centered…..I went beyond that.
My yearning was with the Native American Indian…..
they did not understand me, but accepted me…..
and allowed me to evolve…..
for….I had become pure…..
My life….was service to Spirit.
I wanted to be the sweetest sound to Spirit…..
for all the suffering in the world,
i wanted to be able to sooth….like a balm….with all the bloodshed,
i wanted to ease the hurt of the Great Spirit…..
I felt sad for Spirit…as mankind was hurting it.
So….a sweet balm…..song….as when i was a child…..
standing on the veranda , singing stories of imaginary places,
robin hood, in the woods, all the creatures
each night i would sing til i was called
and allowed to enter the house. ……
no wonder the neighbors dog bit me…!
The temples teach you from the beginning to sing.
so….that is what i did…..sing sing sing…..
now at the open door, there were no radios.
no outside contact.
no out of the community anything………
a place to be with G-d.
Whilst other teenagers were out experiencing their steps
into adulthood, i was a nun without the habit/robe
my 20’s……still there…..I was asked to go to Wales.
to work with Gypsies.
with a Canadian girl.
There is a castle. Pembroke castle.
it is on a hill……..the oceans……close….
opposite is another hill…..
on it….a tiny monastery.
really thick walls.
my Canadian friend lived there with me.
but, blonde, blue eyed beauty got distracted….a ministers sun
she said…..i cant go back to Canada
and not be married to a European…….
this shocked me…..for…..i simply trusted she was like me.
i realize……..no one was like me.
the ones who recognized me……were the gypsies.
the oldest of them loved me….the youngest of them too
each night…i lay on a cold cobbled floor….no fire….
just a sleeping bag in this ancient monastery.
fields of leeks almost to the door.
I had no money.
I lived by faith alone.
I did not agree to asking for state benefit…..
i was in service to spirit…..so…..spirit would look after me.
she married……I came back to England…..the Open Door.
But…..i had changed.
for I had the experience of a dream……
now this….is another story……!!!
zeeberdell de bor horr ah
aaa a aaaaa a ah
it may or may not make sense to you?
the above….is said like a breath being pushed out.
the music was haunting……..
soft words…sung in whispers…
the fire light glowed with ambers and crimsons.
crackles split the air….spitting forth with fire.
old man, sat……
time etched deep into his face.
staring beyond the flames into the night.
the maiden girl smiled……lowered her eyes and arose….
it was time.
she stood up from the fire side….where the old man sat.
the rhythm of the music filled her
she pulled back the flap of the teepee……
inside, hung up….
the ceremonial dress she had lovingly made…
soft buck skin..
hours of embroidering…..beading…..
now….to be worn
the sacred pouch around her waist…..she slipped away….into the night.
past the firelight…..away…..away…..
it was night….the chill was in the air….her feet bare
i am here little Doe i knew this was U.
now you see that i see U.
i hear this song like an Angels voice, singing, singing,
your are the last of the Raven, the crow.
careful footed upon the ground….. into the night she went…
trees grew less now…..rocks were sharp….
she was on her way to the place of the Sacred Rocks.
Then she came across the cool desert sands.
the whispering music in the air….
Zeeberdell de bor or ahhhhhh. aaaa ahhhhhhhh
back to whispering zeeeeeeeberdell….de Bor Hora……..aaaahhh
do you know what Zeeberdell de Bor or ah…..means?
the travelers looked it up in their ancient books…..
nothing at all even sounding like it.
i don’t know how it is spelt, so i write it how it was sung
years I have longed to know its meaning.
repeated through the whole thing…..
she went through the desert
the sun rose up
the sun made the sands hotter beneath her feet
scorching her by the time she reached the Sacred rocks
Then, she had to climb
her knees grazed
her fingers in clinging to the rocks
but finally, she got there.
there were big boulders on top and one large flat rock……slab….huge…
here,, she stood
looked out at the Panorama…..beautiful….
she threw the contents into the wind of her pouch…..
the dream ended.
I awoke…..picked up my guitar
and plucked and played simple chords
that I had not ever played before….
making the exact sound of the dream and sang the chant,
song and the breaths of it……
exactly as in the dream…..
where i slept the view from the window,
was only sky and sea…no land…..
so, any thoughts or insights you have, i would love to hear. xx
Here i raise you to the heights of heaven itself sit and ponder
Whom you are now known in such clarity i tell you who you are
the ANGEL of GODS MERCY
and now . . .
my ANGEL of MERCY Knows whom She IS . . .
sing now as you have never sang before
as now you understand why you sing this song
for all of humanity you sooth Great Spirits Heart like a balm
with your beautiful
I will love you forever and a day,
I will love you deeply more and more,
I will love you with all my heart,
I love the sound of your voice,
I love the way you touch me,
I love your warm smile,
I love your thoughtful ways,
I love the joy you bring to my days,
I loved you yesterday,
I love you today,
I will love you tomorrow,
I will always an forever love you...♥♥
Many lives we have lived
yet here we are
an entire Ocean apart
i may as well be upon the moon looking down at you . . . seeing . . . everything
a vision of lives lived
a vision of life being lived
a vision of a life perhaps yet to be lived
all alone i stand here upon the cold damp earthen floor of my tiny little shop
creating visions to behold a story never told
i believe in love
i believe in love alone
is why my heart cries for thee
as i give my love away
standing all alone
neath the canopy of forest evergreen
i breath deep into me this ancient forest
that fills me to over flowing with love that spills out like a raging river
flowing gently to the oceans of life and takes me to where
you believe in love
you believe in love alone
this is why you do the things you do
standing all alone
you found your way back to . . . me
As I stand at the edge of eternity, I am near speechless . . .
My words, caught within the grip of my throat.
Breathless . . . My Words escape me.
Words . . . mere words are empty vessels . . . useless.
Beyond compare . . . Beyond capability of human language.
To tell you . . . These . . . these things stirring within me.
My Emotions . . . My Heart Aching, Bursting within my chest.
LOVE ! beyond limits, pale in comparison to what is alive in my Heart.
As in my heart, deep inside my Heart is everything.
With these words I create a miracle, that leads you back to me.
Held within these dark pools, the depths of my eyes are treasures,
Yet found only by me. I see . . . NO! I hear my soul calling out your name.
Where ! where are my wings ?
I wish to fly around the world to where you lay weeping, so cold and all alone.
Where are my wings ? Here within my prayers are my wings to be found,
I will try with all I am to carry the key to my heart to thee,
I must caution you,
once used and you step inside, you may never be able to step back out.
If you use this key, everything will be altered for ever.
If you use this key and step inside, it will take you,
to where I stand at the edge of eternity.
Use it only if you Dare . . . To change the world.
Click this link to turn the page, chapter 5.